


you are enough;

by lilevans (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Marauders - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, James Potter - Freeform, Marauders, jily, jily drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:57:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11693085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/lilevans
Summary: he's always wanted to know her, but he's never been good enough. until one night.





	you are enough;

**_"when we grew up, our shadows grew up too, just old ghosts that we grew attached too, but the tragic flaw is that they hide the truth.“_ **

* * *

 

you are only eleven when you realise she is your fate.

you have met the most wonderful boy you could have on that train, and his dark hair and laid back nature is where you find a kindred spirit, and he makes your nose crinkle when you laugh, but he is different to the girl you see.

she’s fierce for someone so young, and something catches in your throat when you see her. she’s a melody, and then sirius quips at the greasy boy she’s with, and you join in, jealousy panging in your chest.

you don’t know what it is yet, but you know you want to know that girl. you know you want to be in gryffindor, too, where the brave at heart reside. you want to be brave. you need to be brave.

and that night, when you find out the girl wants to be brave too as she sits down at the lions table, next to you, her own red lions mane alight from the luminous candlelight, she tells you her name is lily. you tell her you are james, and everything washes over you. you hope you can be friends.

* * *

 

you are fifteen and all you do is hope.

hope you can be an animagus so remus isn’t alone anymore. you want remus to be happier. you hope he is okay.

you hope sirius’ family will come around. you know deep down they won’t, but you hope they will. but even more so, you hope that sirius will live with you someday. he is your brother.

you hope that pete will one day stand up to the slytherins who tell him he isn’t good enough. you hope he knows he is.

and more than anything, you hope that lily will say yes this time. you hope that she will she that snape will only hurt her, and you hope to something that she will see you the way you see her. but you can only fumble with snitches, stutter the most unromantic strings of the sentences and spit hatred at the boy who has her friendship. something crushes in your chest, your head, your soul at prospect of her truly loving snape.

you know she can do better than you. it’s a fact. but she can do better than him, too. so you curse him. maybe she’ll finally see how easily he’ll fling himself into the shadows. and you really want to hurt something, if you’re honest. you’re sick of your knuckles whitening and your lungs crumpling. you’re sick of hearing the news telling you someone else has gone missing. and all for a cause you know he supports.

and she screams at you for your immaturity. she tells you that you’re out of chances and she’ll never touch you. and it’s a kick in the throat. but you wonder if this is what you deserve. you think it is. you see sirius’ white knuckles on your shoulder and you know _he’s got you, he’s always got you._

the word mud blood escapes snapes lips and you see lily’s face. she doesn’t deserve this. you’re getting what you wanted, the snake has done this on his own, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

you bite your lip as hers tremble for a moment, before she snaps a retort and stalks away, fingers shaking. you want to take those hands and tell her she’ll be okay, but you don’t.

you know now you are not good enough. you have been good enough all your life and you know it, but this is where you bite back pain and know that you are not good enough. _not for lily evans._

* * *

 

you are seventeen and maybe you are good enough.

she’s forgiven past jealousies and you make her nose crinkle when she laughs, and it reminds you of the times where your friendships with the boys who are your brothers were new.

she teaches you how to braid hair and you teach her the fouls of quidditch. and you thank dumbledore for deciding to give you both a second chance. she fits so easily with your brothers and remus smiles and gives you a sarcastic remark about what happens when you stop trying.

but he’s never had to try with lily. his friendship with her was natural. he gets why remus gets frustrated about school now. but what he doesn’t understand is how he felt so intensely about lily before.

how did he feel like this before he knew that she smelt like roses or that she liked jane austen. before she told you about her sister and she told sirius he was enough. she made sure that his brothers were loved, and if their common ground was them, then it was okay.

it’s quiet when it happens. you’re in the common room and sirius fell asleep in her lap, remus next to her, pete across from her. she was reading them jane austen and you're all the only ones left in the room.

she closes pride and prejudice before it reaches the end and you murmur into the dark, asking if lizzie forgives fitz. lily whispers back that _she does, she does. she learns from her mistakes. just like i have._ you ask what she means as your brows furrow in confusion. she carefully inches her way out from between sirius and remus, still asleep, and sits next to you, fingers touching yours. _i mean you._

 _are you calling me fitz? i’m honoured, evans, because he was FIT._ you joke and your heart is pounding as she giggles silently and her eyebrows disapprove. _yes, james._

she kisses you. softly, slowly, and like you’re made of glass, like she’s scared she’s wrong, because you told her you were over it. you told her and you clasped hands with other girls to make sure you knew how to be happy without her. you don’t know how to do that. and so you kiss back, afraid to give her too much, afraid to scare her away, because you know you don’t deserve this.

she deepens it and you want to drown in her, in lily fucking evans, but you are afraid. you pull away and lily’s features fall. _what’s wrong?_ she’s scanning you trying to find her own mistake, but there are none. _i’m not good enough_. you say and you mean it, afraid that she is worth more than you. _don’t be stupid james. of course you’re enough. you’ve always been enough. you are enough._ she tells you and pulls you in again. and you finally believe her. you find oceans in her lips and she finds skies in yours, and you clasp hands until the morning. you are seventeen and you know _you’re enough._


End file.
